(You may read Part I here.)
Every Saturday, the St. Paul Pioneer Press runs a “Sainted and Tainted” column in the Local News section. People will send in their descriptions of various Good Samaritans and assorted…jerks, all for our Saturday reading pleasure.
I will admit (shamefacedly) to being a bit disappointed when the “Sainted” entries outnumber the “Tainted” ones. Why is that? Perhaps it’s because for some reason, it’s always more interesting when people behave badly.
Except when that person’s you.
And yesterday at the library, I do think I behaved badly.
Here are some background details:
- Once a week, we do a standard library run. (This is different from a library visit, in which we actually go into the building and spend time there.) Joe runs inside with my library card to pick up our items on reserve. Meanwhile, I return a pile of books.
- Our library has an awesome drive-through book drop-off. You pull up to the stand in your vehicle and load your books into the slot. A conveyor belt then whisks them off into the building.
- I always look to see if there is someone behind me, especially if I have a lot of books. If there is someone waiting, I will circle through the parking lot and come back again...just ‘cause I’m so sweet. [grin]
So what happened yesterday?
I pulled up to the book drop-off and checked my rearview mirror. No one was there. I asked Joe to run inside and began loading my books onto the conveyor belt.
I had loaded two or three when I heard the car’s horn behind me. I was startled and—yes—
annoyed. I had only been there a couple of minutes. I flushed and kept loading the rest of my books, of which there were about a dozen.
It was the next three honks that really did me in. I stopped “thinking like a Christian” at that point, (this despite my “ProLife” bumper sticker), and the more flustered I grew the more irrational I became.
Here, then, is the part I’m most ashamed of. I opened the van door to go back there and “address” the driver.
To yell at her, as it were.
‘Cause I was
mad.
Here’s the thing, though. I couldn’t get out of my van because the book drop-off stand was in the way! Flustered, I tried repeatedly after the third and fourth honks…
to no avail. Thank you, God, for saving me from myself! That’s when I looked up and saw her coming. She was a professional-type women with stylishly spiked hair and an I.D. card hanging around her neck.
She was holding an audio book in her hand.
And she, too, was very angry.
“I’m dropping off my books!” I bleated.
“No,” she snapped. “That is
not all that you were doing and you know it.”
(And then the clincher…)
“Be
honest.”
That was the line that really hurt. To be challenged like that and be called a liar like that….and all this by a stranger…
I opened my mouth.
And I shut my mouth.
There was nothing I could have—or should have—said right then. “Can I do that for you?” I asked, referring to her audio book. (Keep in mind that I was still in my van blocking the book drop-off and she was standing at the side of me.)
“I can do it
myself,” she huffed, and she proceeded to wedge her hand in between my van and the slot on the book drop-off. It was awkward but she managed.
And then she sped away in her vehicle.
You know that book by Patrick Madrid called
Surprised by Truth? Well, I am always surprised by rudeness. It is easy to be virtuous when it’s your choice, but when the affront on your dignity comes unexpected…
I’m all an eye for an eye and an angry reproach for an angry reproach.
That is not what Christ wills for us, however.
“My child, stand firm and trust in Me. For what are words but words? They fly through the air but hurt not a stone. If you are guilty, consider how you would gladly amend. If you are not conscious of any fault, think that you wish to bear this for the sake of God. It is little enough for you occasionally to endure words, since you are not yet strong enough to bear hard blows.
“And why do such small matters pierce you to the heart, unless because you are still carnal and pay more heed to men than you ought?” (The Imitation of Christ, Chap. 46)
Like ripples in a pond, the ugliness of that encounter cycled through my family. I drove away from the library complaining bitterly to the rest of my children about how “important” that woman thought she was. I yelled at my five-year-old for being selfish; I burst into tears; I phoned my husband.
In short, I needed a
lot of help getting over this.
Are you kidding? I’m writing a blog post!
Eventually I realized that this is the sort of thing that eats a person up inside. I (tried to) let it go and began to pray for this woman rather than hate her. It’s harsh seeing the word “hate” in print, isn’t it? Yet that’s just what my selfish, prideful human heart had done.
And how does my hatred help that woman?
I liked reading all your comments about what you would have done in my shoes; I liked them very much. The fact is, we can’t really know or predict how we’ll react when we’re surprised by rudeness. We can, however, pray for the grace to do the right thing and be humble, not confrontational.
As boring as that is.
☺AMDG,
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