On Falling Off the Whole Foods Wagon
“You look different,” the chiropractor told me on Monday, and I was pretty sure I knew what he meant.
“I've gained some weight,” I said, sliding onto the adjustment table. “Is that it?”
“That could be it.” His hands moved nimbly, pressing on my lower back. “I was going to ask if you were pregnant.”
* * *
Now granted, I don't know why he thought I was pregnant. He's a very holistic kind of guy and may have seen something more than just the extra weight. I do know that I'd had a horrible weekend, food-wise—heck, I've had a horrible month—and it's been affecting the way I carry myself.
I'm slouching more, both literally and figuratively.
I look in the mirror and think, “You suck.”
(This is what's known as an unhealthy script.)
(It's a "feeling helpless and hopeless" kind of thing.)
* * *
Now I know I don't suck but the way I've been feeling does. I have had ZERO will power when it comes to food, and that's why I started another Whole30 on Monday. I need to re-boot; recharge; readjust my thinking. I need to stop (yet again) eating so much junk, and the best way (for me) is to have strict parameters.
It's embarrassing, really, how quickly I fell off the good-habit wagon. I went from drinking 64-ounces of water a day to sneaking honey mustard pretzels in the van, all in the span of a mere two months.
Clearly my food issues need more time to resolve.
Clearly my cravings are all still there.
* * *
For this reason, and many others, I cannot get enough of this book by Lysa TerKeurst. It's been out since 2010 but I've only recently discovered its wisdom.
“It is good for God’s people to be put in a place of longing so they feel a slight desperation. Only then can we be empty long enough and open enough to discover the holiness we were made for. When we are stuffed full of other things and never allow ourselves to be in a place of longing, we don’t recognize the deeper spiritual battle going on. Satan wants to keep us distracted by chasing one temporary filling after another. God wants us to step back and let the emptying process have its way until we start desiring a holier approach to life. The gap between our frail discipline and God’s available strength is bridged with nothing but a simple choice on our part to pursue this holiness.”Or how about this one:
“We like to identify our shortcomings, form them into a club, and mentally beat the tar out of ourselves. Over and over and over again. We label ourselves and soon lose our real identity to the beaten and bruised fragility we call ‘me.’ We compare, we assume, we assess, we measure, and most times walk away shaking our head at how woefully short our 'me' falls when compared to everyone else. How dangerous it is to hold up the intimate knowledge of our imperfections against the outside packaging of others.”
She says it well and in so many ways. It is NOT just about the weight!
If it were, those lost pounds would have stayed off.
If it were, I wouldn't be saying I suck.